The thing about practically living in the bar scene is that it's entirely possible to be friends with people for five or more years and to have never seen them in daylight ever. Or sober. Ever. Rachel and Matt's wedding destroyed this. Now don't get me wrong--their wedding was beautiful and was a TON of fun. But it started out WEIRD. When the ceremony was over, we all stood around outside just looking at each other awkwardly. This is because most of us didn't recognize each other in the harsh light of day.
We needed booze. All of us together, fully clothed, able to walk and speak correctly--WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON???!!! We raced to the reception venue and promptly attacked the bar.
Those poor bartenders probably thought they were being accosted by a pack of rabid alcoholic zombies or something. Perhaps they didn't understand that most of us don't function past 7 pm without liquor. At any rate, fifteen minutes or so later, we were all good, the bride and groom had arrived, and things were back to normal. Well, if you define "normal" as a room full of people who slur, stumble, swear a lot, and smoke like chimneys. The smokers congregated outside to destroy their lung tissue and take goofy pictures. This is where things get interesting even for our less than well-behaved entourage. Vincent was DRUUUUUNK. No, that's certainly not the unusual part. Vincent had a metal detector. At a wedding.
Not exactly a common sight, but if anyone were going to bring a metal detector to a wedding, it made perfectly logical sense to all of us that it would be Vincent. Things were fine for a while. Vincent happily showed off his new toy, and he even let a few others try it out. Then all hell broke loose.
Note: do not feel sorry for this woman. Usually, she's evil.
Anyway, everyone else went in to repeat this story to anyone who would listen. I stayed outside because Vincent was still conscious, so this meant there was potential for more entertainment. He sits there for a while, still fuming that some beggar would have the nerve to ask him for spare change. Who did she think she was? OBVIOUSLY his metal detector was there with him to help him find change! If you can't collect money from drunkards dropping it at a wedding reception, HOW ELSE DO YOU BUY YOUR GRAND MARNIER!?!? She was obviously stupid. Obviously. Then Vincent does the most out of character thing I've ever seen him do ever.
The moment didn't last long, however...
He grinned proudly. Noting that he'd put the emPHAsis on the wrong syLABble, I asked him how much Spanish he spoke. "That's about all I got," he grinned. Then he face planted onto the sidewalk. At this point, Ric had come back outside, ostensibly to laugh at Vincent some more, and fortunately, just in time to help him get back in his chair. Completely unfazed by the whole thing, Vincent looks at Ric for a moment, realizes that his metal detector has a feature he has yet to flaunt, and makes a public service announcement that I personally believe was audible in Bangladesh.
"Vincent..." I was afraid he was going to attempt to yell at me like he did the homeless lady and wind up face planting on the sidewalk again, so I proceeded with caution. "We're on concrete."
"I KNOW THAT, YA KOOKABURRA! ...I'm gonna go find cool shit." And with that, Vincent and his metal detector disappeared into the moonlight.
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