Sleep-Deprivation Hits New Low.

I've come to the distinct conclusion that my cat is a masochist. Granted, I don't think he's intellectually or psychologically aware of his condition, but he must be because only a masochist would do things dumb enough to muster my wrath in the middle of the night, yet he continues to do so. Yes, Bentley, I know you're a fat rascal, and I know you prefer your food bowl to be overflowing at all times, but I DO NOT need you to stand on my eyes at four am to remind me of the fact that you're a fat rascal. It's enough of a reminder when you're sitting on my chest and making me short of breath. This morning, I fiiiinally managed to fall asleep after several hours of restless wakefulness, only to be awoken because something smelled distinctly of fish. Well, not fish, exactly...more like fish breath. Yeah. Since I had my arm flung over my eyes to prevent his usual assault, he decided his new method would be to bite my nose, so when I woke up, he was sitting on me, just casual, hanging out, chillin' really...with my nose in his mouth. I swat him away, roll over to hide my face, and mere moments later, I hear the sound of slobbery chewing. THAT DAMNED CAT IS EATING MY HAIR. We had to have a talk. Said talk went something like this:

Me: Bentley, you know I love you dearly, right?

Bentley: ::blank stare::

Me: And I really am going to feel guilty about it if I have to kill you.

Bentley: ::cocks head to the side trying to be cute::

Me: No, I'm not going to pet you right now. This is serious. You have to behave yourself, or I'm going to turn you into a hat.

Bentley: ::reaches out and puts his paw on my nose::

Me: ::talking around the big furry foot on my face:: Bentley, I'm going to count to three, and if you don't unpaw my nose, you WILL regret it. 1....2...

Bentley: ::claws come out, slowly beginning their descent into flesh::

Me: 3! That's IT!

Bentley: ::flips himself completely sideways, lands on his back in the crook of my arm, looks up at me, and begins purring::

Me: Okay, well, maybe I counted too fast this time... ::scratches his head::

Oh well, if ya can't beat 'em, love 'em.